Whether you’re polyamorous, separated, single, or it’s just really complicated… it’s always awkward to hook up when you’re married. You don’t want to offend anyone who’s single or in a committed relationship. Then again, there’s got to be some other married-but-looking sweethearts out there!
Your instincts are correct.
They are everywhere…but uh, definitely keeping it on the down-low. Most discreet marrieds still looking to date use affair dating sites. Sites like these are similar to Tinder or eHarmony, at least in design. The difference is they cater to married users looking to have affairs.
Discretion is key on an affair dating site!
But which one should you try? Here we look at the 10 best affair dating sites for men and women in marriages.
I’m a dating coach, and one thing I noticed is that a lot of guys are looking to date beyond marriage, like open marriages, polyamorous, swinging, and yes, sometimes just in secret, away from the eyes of their spouse.
In order to find the BEST married dating sites and hookup apps, I spent about 30 hours researching all the features of each dating site. But I didn’t want just my experience and preferences to represent “the best”…
…that’s why I compared my own findings to a poll I ran on Survey Monkey.
About 100 people answered and confirmed what my own findings did. The top 5 sites were the only sites that gave users fast responses from real people.
1. Ashley Madison – Best discreet affair experience
2. Seeking – Secret affairs for sugar daddies
3. AdultFriendFinder – Casual dating & swingers galore
4. Reddit Affairs – Forum-style affair dating platform
5. VictoriaMilan – Most discreet casual sex site
6. Hush and Snapchat – Dating apps to meet new people
7. Heated Affairs – Sexy video chats
8. IllicitEncounters – Great for UK users
9. Gleeden – Designed for female users
10. Marital Affair – Top-notch customer support
1. Ashley Madison – Best Discreet Affair Dating Experience
• On-site tools for hiding your face
• Private folder for sharing photos
• Buy credits for interaction rather than paying a membership fee
• Women join for free and men can pay to highlight their profile
• High minimum price for credits
Ashley Madison has the biggest and best reputation for married and cheating partners anywhere in the world. Not only does the site provide anonymous and discreet matches, but there are also online photo editing tools.
Blur, mask, or crop your photo to remain hidden, but share full photos with anyone on your favorite’s list. Users can also anonymously like you, flirt with you, or send you a message even before you sign up.
Ashley Madison ranked #1, because of all the sites mentioned, my profile got the highest response from actual married women.
Ashley is the most-likely-to-get-laid site you can find because of its high member count (60 million members), the married cheating theme, and the basic fact that a photo and funny profile WILL get female attention pretty fast.
2. Seeking – Best Online Dating Site For Sugar Daddies
• Women join for free
• Verified profiles & wealthy guys
• Largest membership for sugar (and married) dating
• Not for the 9-5 working-class married guy
Seeking definitely caters to wealthy men looking for extramarital affairs, even more so than the usual sugar affair dating site.
It’s the most popular “Verified Millionaire” site, and girls have no problem providing expensive wishlists, across-the-world dream dates, and even suggested sugar prices.
Sugar daddy dating does not involve any sexual transactions but does get you a date with a beautiful young woman who is OK with your marital status.
The site also provides other searches, like gay married dating, wealthy women seeking younger men, and other “arrangement” relationships that involve bidding on dates.
3. AdultFriendFinder – Best For Casual Dating & Swingers
• Married matches, niche search, webcam girls
• Over 100 million profiles
• Threesomes, poly & swingers everywhere
• Steep premium membership
Adult Friend Finder was offering married-but-looking matches way back in 1996 before everyone and their brother started getting horny on the web.
With a huge membership, a number of relationship types to choose from, and even its own webcam section, Adult Friend Finder offers the best variety of experiences.
You can chat on cam or trade photos with a match, join the community and treat the married dating site like an adult version of Facebook, or even join sub-niches in case you want to find another married man or woman with the same fetish.
Adult Friend Finder also has one of the best free previews, despite its high membership price.
4. Reddit Affairs – Best Free Online Dating Site For Married People
• 100% free service!
• Real people posting personal ads & locations
• Instant Reddit chat
• Limited features or search filtering
Reddit is one of the most active forum sites anywhere on the internet, with millions of users surfing general interest topics, and millions more searching for niches.
The Reddit Affairs sub-reddit is a forum of lonely marrieds looking for sex. You can post the general proximity of where you live and what you’re looking for in a partner.
Besides being a free hookup group, the forum is also moderated by users, and they will add known “fakes” to a group post. This is a great idea, and it will help to prevent wasting anyone’s time… a problem the notorious Craigslist.org never figured out.
5. Victoria Milan – Most Discreet Casual Sex Site
• High member count
• Alternative to Ashley Madison
• Very anonymous and discreet
• Photo-editing tools right on-site
• Not as many members as AM
With nearly 8 million married-and-lookings, Victoria Milan is Ashley Madison’s closest competitor. Though it’s based in Europe, the website has attracted users all over the world who are looking for web flirting, one-night stands, or even long-term affairs.
The site gives its users the ability to hide their faces online, just in case anyone from the “real world” stumbles upon their profile.
You can use easy photo editing tools to blur, block out, or mask your photos. An auto-logout feature is a unique company creation – it ensures you’re logged out after a short period of inactivity, even if you forget.
6. Hush and Snapchat – Best Dating App for Meeting New People
• Great for snapchat fans
• 30-second audio intro works like a webcam chat site
• Make lots of local friends fast
• They don’t allow outright sex requests
Hush is an instant-friend finder that lets you add a ton of local people that want to hang out. Not only can you arrange an affair, if they’re game, but you can also find Snapchat friends, TikTok friends, enjoy an anonymous chat, and share gamer tags.
There’s something for everyone.
The neat thing about Hush is that you can use the Swipe feature just to find online friends so you can add them to Snapchat. You can also chat for 30 seconds and then decide to accept them as a friend or click “next” to move on.
7. Heated Affairs – Best For Sexy Video Chats With Open-Minded Users
• Combination of features
• Owned by the same company that owns AFF
• Use a flirt or icebreaker action for new convos
• Not strictly a hookup site (more webcam)
Heated Affairs has an impressive 48 million members, all interested in discreet encounters. They offer friendship, online chat, cheating, and long-term affairs. You can check out your match’s photos, flirt, and even get dating advice.
The site combines the best of both worlds, offering live webcam models for chat, as well as a personality test to help find more compatible matches.
The thriving adult community also lets you view blogs, erotic stories, magazine articles, and the feeds of other members. A free Sex Academy educational course is also a nice touch!
8. Illicit Encounters – Best Affair Dating Site for UK Users
• Very big in the UK
• Older demographic (good for some)
• Profile generator with questionnaire to get started
• Mostly UK-centric
Illicit Encounters is a UK-based site, and one of the top online dating websites for married people, offering discretion and safety. The majority of users are in the UK, though it offers matches throughout the world.
The demographic is slightly older, from 35 to 55, though it does let users search for their ideal mate, including same-sex searches, and any style of relationship.
IllicitEncounters does offer a free account for women, which makes it slightly above average in female to male ratio.
Special features include Invisible Mode, Holiday Mode (for suspending the account temporarily), and a Profile Generator that helps you create a more interesting first look.
9. Gleeden – Top Affair Dating Site for Female Users
• Heavily moderated site – real & polite profiles
• Female-approach to design and community
• No vulgarity or euphemisms allowed on site
Gleeden is one of the more successful “new sites”, having been founded in 2010, and originally based in France. What makes it unique is the female approach in design (created by females for married women) and the ability to customize the service for all genders and lifestyles.
We love to see it!
The site remains free for women to use and is marketed as an “alternative to divorce.” The service is based on buying credit packs rather than monthly subscriptions. Members can chat according to need and pay in credits. Starting new chats costs a few credits but continuing them in a thread is free.
10. Marital Affair – Best Customer Support of Married Dating Sites
• Tinder swipe-like “Encounters” feature for nearby users
• Works with tablets, mobile phones, or desktop PCs
• No notifications!
• Not a huge user base in the US compared to Europe
Marital Affair wants you to get your rocks off as stress-free as possible. Although they’re a new company, they pride themselves on offering discretion, ease-of-use, and a simple way to join the community. They are primarily for UK and Australian seekers but go worldwide as well.
The married dating site offers member diaries to interact with, an advanced search feature and a dedicated customer support team, which is rare in such a controversial industry. However, the company’s willingness to go the extra mile might be just the promise you need to get started.
It just be just the affair dating site you’ve been looking for.
5 Runner ups that can also work as affair apps:
• DirtyR4R on Reddit
• Doublelist Personals
How Do Most Affairs Start?
Most partnerships don’t just happen spontaneously, like those steamy Netflix sex shows. Most affairs start with friendship, with a general connection that grows deeper over time.
Therefore, it’s perfectly fine to just start chatting like you’re buddies and not try too hard to be seductive in the beginning.
Most women like emotional connection before sex!
Men are not so indiscriminate. But trust me…you will find that if you do go for an emotional connection instead of a crude approach (even if all you want is strictly sexual) the affair will be that much hotter.
How to Avoid Getting Caught On Affair Dating Sites
Most lovers get caught because they’re reckless with their phone, tablet, or desktop. You have to use anonymous browsers and never save auto-save passwords!
• Be careful with your digital devices
• Use anonymous browsers
• Never auto-save passwords
• Use a VPN
• Get a secret phone
• Don’t give out your full name or information
Some smart guys even use VPNs or secret phones to avoid any trail back to their name.
Having a secret work phone also means your spouse has no reason to get jealous of all that information you’re hiding.
Simple advice – don’t be cheap if you want to cheat.
The best way to avoid an affair blowing up in your face is to NOT reveal your full name or anything else that can be traced back to you.
Remember, women get constant offers for free sex. That’s why men have to prove that they’re more interesting than the competition.
• Be smart or interesting
• Be confident in a classy way
• Don’t give up too soon
• Be persistent
• Have something unique about you!
Say something smart or unpredictable. Be confident, but not too over the top. Don’t try too hard to dominate the conversation, but let her reply to you naturally.
You’re bound to lose a few dates, but your persistence is what will pay off. After all, most married women will not get an offer of “greatness”. They just settle on “right time, right place.” Try your best to be the best man of the moment.
Don’t give up too soon, because FYI, most men don’t pay for the married dating service longer than a trial month.
Still have questions? We have answers.
Where do most affairs start – offline or online?
Most affairs start in the workplace, or with neighbors, or with friends of friends. The online sex partner is a relatively new concept.
Affairs usually don’t start as instant attraction but as friends or acquaintances. You get to know each other over time and then sex happens later, when you both feel an emotional connection.
Or not – you do you.
While there is such a thing as strictly sexual affairs, it’s more difficult to find an NSA date without some element of mystery, intelligence, creativity, and the like.
How can I turn an online dialog into a steamy affair?
One of the best tips to remember is that staying online too long can implode a relationship.
Don’t do it!
If you start off sexy and flirty it’s important to arrange to meet in real life ASAP, to test that chemistry. Otherwise, you run the risk of not liking your date in person and wasting your time.
If you’re a guy, you might even lose that hot date to another guy if you stall too long.
Ashley Madison was my top selection because it has the highest number of married women actively looking to date. Frankly, the site outperformed Seeking, because being rich was not a priority.
Although Adult Friend Finder is a great place to meet swingers and open-marriage kinksters, Ashley Madison is all about cheating, secrets, and the strictly sexual fantasies.
Swinging is complicated. Cheating is actually pretty simple, as long as you don’t get caught! Follow Ashley Madison’s rules and you’ll have a lot of fun.
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