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What does it mean when a woman says “no”?
Of course, I’m not talking about the half-hearted “no” that a woman might say flirtatiously.
I’m talking about the “no” she uses after you ask her out, or invite her back to your place.
Usually, it means she’s not interested–but there are a variety of reasons why she may have lost interest.
But before I jump into the less obvious reasons a woman might say “no,” I have a little disclaimer:
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You should take any “no” that she says as a final no. There is no way in this medium that I can tell you that “no” means “yes,” because it doesn’t.
However, a “no” doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t like you. So today, I’m going to share 5 little-known reasons why she might say “no”…
And exactly what you can do about it.
1) She Feels Danger
If a woman wants to feel safe, then any possibility of danger triggers an instant “no” response.
This includes talking about dangerous things.
One guy once said to me:
I met these two goth girls, and I kept joking about taking them into the woods, and axes, hahaha!! They were loving it! They kept looking at each other like, ‘this guy is fun!’ It’s about reading the person you’re with and . . . “
The truth is, for every girl who loves jokes about getting slashed in the woods, there are 99 who are totally put off by it.
Add to that, a large percentage of the girls who are into this kind of humor are still frightened when a guy they just met starts talking about it.
And even if they are inwardly excited, they’ll probably make the sensible decision to stay in a well-lit public space until they can make an excuse to jump in a cab.
It’s sort of like sloppy clothing or body odor–it’s not impossible to “seal the deal” if you do this, but it greatly reduced your odds of sexual success.
So don’t make her feel danger, and your odds of getting a “yes” response go way up.
2) You Disagree With Her
Sometimes, it seems like I advocate disagreement. Women–particularly women who have experience turning heads–respond well to a man who stands up to them.
In fact, women are so attracted to a man who challenges them that they often believe that being argumentative (“sassy,” or “fiery”) makes them more attractive to men.
However, this kind of disagreement and challenging, in general, is advanced behavior.
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It’s not as simple as saying “no,” since someone needs to seduce her, and if you are disagreeing with her, seducing her becomes trickier.
In fact, you’ll get further–especially if you can’t back up a resistant frame–agreeing while you disagree, like this:
Her: “I can’t go home with you!”
Me: “I know. I can’t send you home at this hour!”
Her: “…But I have to work in the morning.”
Me: “I know! That’s why I want to make sure you get a good night’s sleep.”
That was an actual conversation, and I’ll let you guess where she ended up spending the night. ?
3) She Feels Embarrassed
When do you go for the first kiss?
I have a friend who is extremely good-looking. Women love him.
One of his great moves is to lift the girl up while they’re dancing and, holding her up, make out with her in the middle of the dance floor.
It’s very showy, and her friends are almost always jealous. Very sexy.
It has a low closing rate, though, because once it’s over, the excitement and adrenaline and lust suddenly transform into embarrassment.
Everyone’s watching, and she’s on the dance floor with this guy who’s clearly getting ready to take her home and have sex with her.
That’s probably a good thing… but maybe not while everyone’s watching.
Who knows what goes through her mind, except that at this moment, with everyone watching, she is suddenly faced with a decision.
“What do I want to do now?”
This decision point could work in your favor, although it’s also likely to take her out of the present moment and put her into the past or future. And that can very easily cause her to say “no.”
4) She’s Worried About What Her Friends Will Think
The especially problematic part of her future-thinking is social.
Women are extremely social, and whether it influences her or not, she will certainly consider how her friends will react to her choice.
This is especially true if she has a moment to reflect, and her social group is visible to her (or vice versa).
While she may consider that her friends will be impressed (and if you’ve made out with her on the dance floor, maybe they are already impressed), she also may just not know.
You may have heard the saying, “The confused mind says ‘no’.” And it’s absolutely true.
Which brings me to the final unexpected reason she might say “no”…
5) There’s Too Much Uncertainty
A lot of the time, a woman might like you… but she also may have some uncertainty lurking in the back of her mind.
She might not know what’s going to happen if she goes home with you…
If she’s going to like you…
Or if you’ll still like her after you sleep together…
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And ultimately, she might just not know enough about you to say “Yes.”
Which sucks, because it’s possible that she might really like you! But if she feels that uncertainty, then it could cause her “maybe I like him” to transform into a “not tonight.”
Ultimately, there’s no real way to prevent a woman from saying “no.”
However, there is a way you can spot the women who are most likely to say “yes.”
How? I’ll show you:
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…is to take the girls who are most likely to say “no” out of the equation… and only talk to the girls who you know are interested in you.
What do I mean by this? How can you “know” if a girl is interested… before ever talking to her???
Well, I won’t sit here and tell you there’s some magic way you can “read her mind”… but there is something else you can read:
Her body language.
I’m not just talking about “basic” body language, though… not the obvious, “I wanna f**k you” eyes… these are subtler signals she’ll send you.
For example, a woman will make this kind of eye contact when she’s feeling attracted to you…
…and many women do this with their feet when they’re turned on, and want to get to know you better.
The truth is, there are dozens of these subtle signs a woman gives off… and when you see them… you’ll know she’s way more likely to say “yes” when you ask for her #, or invite her back to your place at the end of the night. ?
Of course, if she has a boyfriend, or maybe she’s in some kind of bad mood… then there’s no guarantee she’ll come home with you…
…though many guys in our community know that these signs have made the difference between getting one, or maybe two #’s a month… and getting consistent same night sex:
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[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on June 29, 2020.]