Welcome to ‘Are You Getting Any?’, a column that asks a generation rumoured not to fuck if they in fact fuck.
As the coronavirus pandemic continues, Are You Getting Any? interviews are conducted via video call.
Quality of sex overall: 9/10
Frequency of sex: 3/10
Intimacy levels: 8/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 8/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex: 3/10
VICE: Hi, Alvina. You’ve put a “three” for frequency of sex. How do you feel about that?
For starters, I would say the frequency of sex has definitely gone down a little bit more. I wouldn’t say I’m too busy for sex, I just feel like whenever I want to have it, the time is not right. Then, when I don’t want to have sex, the opportunity presents itself – so it never really aligns.
What about dating apps though?
Yeah. I mean, you might go on social media or Tinder, or whatever, and there will be more people, but it doesn’t actually lead anywhere. So many people say hi to you and that’s all it is.
Why do you think that is?
Fear of rejection, maybe, or they’re scared of it going wrong again.
Does that happen often?
Yeah, that’s how I feel about stuff. When I initially messaged you, I was talking to somebody but I wasn’t really into it. The whole time I was thinking, ‘What is the point?’ It feels like a chore.
Do you tend to meet people on dating apps?
I do both.
How do you find using them? Have any dating app dates been a success?
Some have been good. Maybe one. Actually, maybe two. The other interactions kind of start and end with the “Hi”, before it goes dead.
That’s very boring.
Yeah, they’ll message first and they’ll be like, “Oh, I’ve never been with a Black girl,” or you’ll see Black guys on there and they’re like “No Black Girls”. It’s like: what? That’s a bit weird. I’d say on dating apps, out of every thousand people, there’s about five normal people on there. It seems extreme, but it’s true.
That could definitely be the case. Do you get that weird fetish stuff a lot on the apps? The annoying little chocolate bar emojis?
Literally, just the other day, I matched with a white guy – we’ve unmatched now – but he said he didn’t think Black girls liked white boys. Then he made a comment about how Black girls are always standoffish. It was so weird. I found myself writing paragraphs to this guy about why he shouldn’t have said that.
I’m sorry, that’s horrible. Has it put you off using the apps?
During lockdown I wasn’t using them, but I’ve been back on for the past couple of weeks. But I’m going on a date at the end of the week – I met them on an app.
What do you think about dating during the pandemic? Have you seen the government’s guidelines about doing doggy instead of missionary?
Oh my god. I haven’t even thought about it yet [laughs].
Do you reckon you’ll wear a mask on your date?
If you have dinner with someone and they laugh or something, maybe little COVID droplets have already hit you – so you might as well kiss them, you know?
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