Concerns Unsecure Census Could Let Hackers Know You’re A Jedi

As the 2016 census night approaches, many Australians have expressed concern surrounding unsecured census data and its potential to reveal to hackers their midi-chlorian count and ability to use the mystical energies of the Force.

Previously retained for 18 months, this year census data including names and addresses and the box next to ‘Religion’ inevitably marked ‘Jedi’ will now be kept for up to four years.

As the Australian Bureau of Statistics has reported data breaches with regard to personal information in the past, concerns now surround whether spiritual citizens proficient in harnessing the Force to protect peace and justice in the universe could be exposed by hackers driven by darker emotions, such as fear, anger and hatred.

“We are simply trying to live a peaceful life in Australia whilst following the Jedi Code,” an unnamed member of the Jedi Order told the Backburner. “But knowing dangerous hackers could get access to my name and home address, it’s terrifying. I’ve got family and kids here. Lightsabers, droids.”

The ABS has defended its handling of information, rejecting worries that future government may access individual records to target people based on their ancient religion and possession of plasma-based energy swords.

“We assure the public their personal information is safe. Hackers’ feeble skills are no match for the power of the Australian Bureau of Statistics,” a spokesman told the Backburner.

“Quite frankly, I find the public’s lack of faith in the ABS disturbing.”


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