How to avoid a romance scam (by the woman who beat the Tinder Swindler) | #DatingScams | #LoveScams | #RomanceScans


The Tinder Swindler, a Netflix documentary about how conman Simon Leviev manipulated several women into financially supporting his lavish lifestyle, is possibly the best-known case and a story in which I played a role – to the tune of more than £100,000.

Without spoiling the documentary, I was able to get some justice. But it doesn’t need to come to that. In fact, there are several strategies and technologies that people and banks can use to protect themselves long before any money leaves their accounts. Here are my top four tips for guarding against romance scams.

Look out for the red flags

While whirlwind romances are a thrilling experience, it’s important to remain vigilant. In my case, Simon was incredibly kind from the beginning, “love bombing” me with sweet messages, constantly telling me he loved me, and showering me with flowers and gifts.

While it felt real then, looking back, I can see the holes. New partners aren’t like this, even if they are crazy about you. Signs that things might be too good to be true, and you should break contact, may involve the fraudster doing one or some of the following:

  • Declaring their love for you and bombarding you with gifts almost immediately
  • Claiming to be from your town, city, or country, but rarely available to meet in person
  • Planning to visit you but then cancelling at the very last minute
  • Isolating you from your friends and family once you’ve entered a physical relationship in order to manipulate you

Never transfer money to anyone who is not a close friend you have met in person

Even with dating apps tightening their security features, it’s still all too easy for someone to create a fake profile. So, as a general rule, don’t send money to anyone you haven’t met in person, even if you’ve been chatting for a long period of time.

Their online profile might not reflect their true selves. Scammers are more than willing to use fake images and information and pull on your heartstrings with claims of medical problems, family issues, business worries, and more. And as the old saying goes, if the return on the (investment) sounds too good to be true, then it most likely is.

Take your time when someone asks to borrow money

Once under their spell, fraudsters make you think irrationally. So if this new person in your life is asking for money, take a step back and say that you are going to think about it for a few weeks. If they continue to push, then walk away and say no. If they’re a genuine friend or partner, they’ll happily afford you this time, as they’ll know that it’s a significant decision and commitment for you to make.

Fraudsters don’t do this; they hate any kind of delay. They’re likely to pressure you and create a false sense of urgency, even becoming angry and rude if you don’t quickly comply. If a person begins behaving like this, say no.

Beware: it could happen to you

We often presume that the disabled or elderly would be most susceptible to these types of scams. The reality is far more fluid, with loneliness, financial difficulties, mental health issues, and even digital over-confidence making us more susceptible. 

I was an intelligent, internet-savvy young woman – and yet I was still heavily deceived. After all, victims believe that they are sending money to a loved one for a genuine reason, so they may not behave any differently as to how they would making any other transaction. 

I’m lucky that I made it out. Now, I can use my experiences to warn others via anti-romance scam activism, and it was a huge honour to be named scam fighter of the year by the Global Anti-Scam Alliance. But at the end of the day, I’d rather just be Ayleen from Amsterdam, £100,000 better off, with the dilemma of heartbreak versus financial ruin just a fun little premise. I hope you can learn from my mistakes.



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