Women apparently can’t make their own decisions, so this one dad took to Reddit to gather opinions on his wife’s career. Yes, you did (unfortunately) read that right.
The dad asked the Internet (and more specifically, the “Parenting” subreddit) what to do about his wife who doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom to their 4-month-old baby — as if she was a child who needed disciplined instead of, you know, his loving, equal partner whose opinion he values and respects. Sharing the planet with men is exhausting sometimes.
“Our daughter wasn’t planned, in fact my wife had said that she didn’t want to have a child until she was at least in her 30s,” the dad wrote. “But things didn’t work out that way and we found out that we were expecting when my wife was very late in her pregnancy — meaning that she didn’t really get a choice, it legally had to happen.”
As difficult as that situation is, it still doesn’t really matter. Why does an unplanned mean the mom has to give up her life and stay home when daycares exist? Something isn’t adding up…
“Of course, that was a huge shock to both of us but my wife took it the hardest,” he wrote, not even acknowledging that probably had something to do with A) being the one who has to carry the baby in her body for 9 months and give birth to it while you flit around like nothing has changed, and B) you trying to control her life and trusting the Internet’s opinion more than her own.
To make a hard situation even harder, the couple decided to get married when they found out she was expecting. “We ended up marrying whilst she was heavily pregnant and she didn’t have the best day. Our wedding day is very much a sore subject for her and we’re not really allowed to speak about it,” the dad wrote.
My heart is breaking for this poor woman! She not only lost the future of her dreams, but she also lost the wedding she wanted. She needs a caring supportive partner who has even one ounce of empathy because her husband clearly can only think about himself.
In his story, he then tried to paint his wife as some sort of villain for wanting to go back to work. (How many times can you sigh while reading one Reddit post?)
“In the little time that we had to prepare for our daughter, I naively agreed to be the stay at home parent because my wife wants to work,” he continued. “She’s been to university, got a Bachelors degree, a Masters degree, and a PGCE/Qualified Teaching Status. However, she found out that she was pregnant before she was due to start work and could no longer accept the position.”
So this highly educated woman on the cusp of beginning her career has the audacity to want to actually pursue this career? In what universe is this shocking?
“I, on the other hand, have been working since I was 15 and am on a pretty high wage which includes a pay rise which is due in the new year,” he continued in a blatant attempt to puff himself up compared to his clearly superior wife. “To compare, my wife would be earning around £22,000 — £24,000 whereas I’m currently earning £37,500 before my wage rise in the new year. All of this before tax.”
“To me,” he continued, key word “me,” “it seems ridiculous for me to give up my job right now. I initially agreed because I do want to support my wife. This isn’t the case of I think she belongs at home rearing children and baking pies, but more so what’s financially better for our family.” Hm, he’s protesting a little too much for me to believe he doesn’t actually think that, though.
He goes on to continue justifying his gross misogyny: “Paying for childcare would completely wipe out her wage and eat into mine, especially with the hours that we would both have to work and commute. And me giving up my job would see us struggling to pay our bills. In either scenario, it wouldn’t be a case of just tightening our belts, it would be a struggle. We have a mortgage, two cars and some debt from covid years.”
The dad adds that they have no family around (presumably because he thinks family will just babysit for free).
Now that he’s insulted his wife and dismissed her education and life goals, this dad is ready to straight-up trash talk the woman he married.
“She point blank is refusing to stay home with the baby any longer and is applying for jobs,” he continued. “She’s using the defence of that her entire life will have been a waste if she has to stay at home, that she’s trained all of her life for a job that she really wants to be told that she has to be a stay at home mum. She thinks that she isn’t going to be able to get into teaching if she doesn’t do it now, right this second, because there will be a gap between her graduation and looking for employment. She’s also wary of places being biased against newly qualified teachers as is. She wants to work and isn’t looking at the bigger picture.”
OK? All are super valid points that she shouldn’t have even had to mention for you to already be on her side. You’re literally mad at her for doing the exact same thing you are: refusing to stay home with the baby.
Being a stay-at-home parent is hard, and the only reason you are changing your tune is because you tried it for a tiny bit of time and realized how it’s both incredibly challenging and mindlessly boring at the same time. So, you appointed yourself king of the house and are getting mad at your wife for exercising her own free will and — again, just like you — saying she wants to work? Your wife deserves an award for putting up with your disgusting self every day.
The dad then completely ignores his wife’s feelings and concerns, steamrolling her life and freedom in one go.
“I do understand why she’s so upset,” he wrote. “I do understand why she wants to work, and I understand her frustration. I know this isn’t what she or we planned but it’s what’s best for our family right now.”
How is what’s “best” for the family something that would hurt your wife so much? It sounds like it’s only best for you, and you’re trying to use the internet to guilt and manipulate your wife into agreeing with you.
“We all have to make sacrifices and I have and will in the future,” he said, giving a vague yet meaningless statement to puff himself up over his wife once again, without actually contributing anything. “The only difference now is that me sacrificing my job means that we will be struggling and in debt, whereas her sacrificing her job temporarily means that we get to at least be comfortable and have stability. This is a constant back and forth argument and we’re not getting anywhere.”
Um, duh?! You were granted a Christmas miracle that your wife didn’t leave you and demand child support. Why would you try to force the woman you love to give up all her hopes and dreams and plans for the future because she got pregnant? You wouldn’t know sacrifice if it bit you in the behind.
Redditors brought this guy down a few notches. “So, let her work, get daycare,” one person wrote. “If it takes all her pay so be it. It will pay off in time as her career will build, and in her happiness.”
So many people agreed. “We both worked and 90% of my $ went to childcare…and it was worth it,” one mom wrote. “I was a happy mom…would’ve been a shit show if i had to stay home w them m-f. when they hit school age i got a job w mothers hours and sometimes they went to after school clubs so i could pick them up later. it worked just fine.”
Others pointed out, “You’re not just working for the money, you are also earning seniority, benefits, pension, experience, networks, and on and on.” But it’s about more than that — it’s about your wife’s autonomy and mental health.
“Sometimes it’s more than just the money she’ll bring (or won’t) home,” someone commented. “It’s about sanity, her career. It’s 100% valid. You say it’s about sacrifice, so you need to sacrifice your expectations.”
Yes, yes, 1000 times yes. I actually told my husband the other day that if my job only paid enough for my child’s daycare and no more, I still wouldn’t quit because I love what I do so much. Even if she never gets a promotion or makes more money, who cares? If that’s what she wants to do, that’s best for the family, period. “We all have to make sacrifices”? Then make a damn sacrifice! I know a man who works three jobs so his wife can stay home with her son (because she wants to) and others who work extra hard to afford daycare because both parents want to work. That’s true sacrifice. Figure out what will make each other happy, then you figure out the rest. Maybe you cut back on some things. Maybe you pick up a side hustle. You don’t try to manipulate, guilt, and pressure your wife to give up everything and be a stay-at-home parent despite her vehement protests. Why would you want that for your wife or your daughter?
Another person brought up a very good point. “I would like to add and emphasize that it is EXTREMELY important for a stay at home parent to really, really, really want to be a stay at home parent or the child is going to suffer right along with the parent,” they wrote. “It’s hard being with a baby all day. Really, really mentally taxing. The fact that she doesn’t desperately want to do it means she probably shouldn’t if working is an option. Her mental health also matters. And not wanting to be home with a baby has NOTHING TO DO with how much you love your child. It’s simply not for everyone.”
Some men need to take a break from their own egos for two seconds and realize the world does not revolve around them. Grow up and try being a man your wife deserves for a change. Then instead of writing to Reddit, start looking for daycares for your daughter.
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.