Most of us would agree that we don’t really want ghosts in our lives. The same goes for “ghosting”.
But what is ghosting, exactly? No, it’s not anything to do with the paranormal. Rather, it describes a situation in which one side abruptly ends all communication to leave the other side hanging without any rhyme or reason, not even, “Sorry, it’s not you. It’s me.”
You probably know someone that has been ghosted, or even experienced it yourself.
S is a 27-year-old who was once ghosted by someone with whom she thought she had started a budding relationship, well after their third outing. She told The Jakarta Post that everything seemed to be going well, before he suddenly stopped replying to her messages.
“Obviously, I was gutted. I thought there was some mutual attraction, but clearly he didn’t feel the same way,” she said.
While S mused that this might be because he decided that they weren’t compatible after they had gotten to know each other a little better, she stressed that he should have said something at the very least.
“A simple explanation would suffice, it’s not like it’s hard to say he feels things won’t work out. I’ve moved on just fine, but it’s the closure that I’m really after,” she said.
On the flip side, 30-year-old F said he had once ghosted someone, but felt it was partly justified in his case.
“I got to know her through a friend who set us up. We talked a bit online, but it was clear that she wasn’t into me from the first date. We were on friendly terms, but she wasn’t looking for a partner, or maybe I just wasn’t her type,” he said.
F said he considered staying friends as a possibility, but their interests were too different.
“Maybe ghosting her was not the best thing to do, but I know for a fact that the only reason she talked to me was because our mutual friend kept pestering her about it,” he said, noting that “there was no spark whatsoever”.
Ghosting is simply bad manners, and saying something, no matter the outcome, is the better course to take. After all, every experience counts on your journey to find the right partner.
So what’s a someone who’s single and ready to mingle to do? For starters, widening your search is important.
Here are four tips to help you along.
1. Start with friendship
Many romantic relationships have started from making a new friend, whether at work, at the gym or even in your neighborhood. Like finding love, finding good friends can be a bit tricky, especially when you don’t have a lot of free time. But all you really need is the willingness to be more open to meeting new people, whether online or offline. Being friendly is a sure way to make new friends. Who knows that a friendship can blossom into something more along the way. Just remember to stick to the health protocols if you meet up in person!
2. Ask a friend to play matchmaker
If you’re constantly looking but aren’t having any luck, call a friend for a favor. Having a friend sift through the people they know can widen your search. The plus side is that a close friend will know you well, and they may already have someone in mind. If not, be sure to let them know any specific traits you’re looking for. The last thing you want is to end up with an awkward match, especially if your friend feels invested in your search, too.
3. Social media to the rescue
These days, having a social media account or two (or several) is the norm, and you might have more in common than you think with someone who pops up in your recommended contacts. It could be a childhood friend trying to reconnect or a mutual friend you never considered as romantic potential.
Using social media has the added advantage of gaining more information about a person before you make the first move. You might discover shared backgrounds, hobbies, movies and even dislikes. Remember, keep your mind and heart open: What started out as a friend request could turn into something so much more.
4. Be smart with online dating
With all the technology around us, it’s no surprise that the classified section has moved online, combining the methods above in a convenient application or website.
Dating.com is one such option. Aside from a dedicated website, the platform is also available for both iOS on the App Store and Android on Google Play Store, allowing you to access a wide network of interesting people to connect with.
Women and men can rest assured that their experience will be worry-free through Dating.com’s secure online dating services. And don’t be turned off by a terrible profile picture. It might not be a sign of a terrible personality, just bad selfie-taking skills.
Getting to know each other online is a vital step before deciding to meet someone in person, so take your time and don’t let anyone push you into something you’re not comfortable about. Keeping in mind that those who prey on the vulnerable have been growing in number and sophistication, especially during the pandemic, just remember to trust your gut instincts and that you’re in control.
Besides, inappropriate behavior will be swiftly dealt with by Dating.com’s team of moderators. Catfishing is also a thing of the past, since each profile is verified with an ID, so no more fake profiles. This also reduces the potential for data theft and scams.
Even if it doesn’t lead to romance or further, wedding bells, remember tip #1 above. That person you hoped might be your life partner could instead turn out to be a business partner or a lifelong friend, thanks to Dating.com’s fun and safe experience.
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