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Women Are Traveling To Europe Because American Dating Is Awful – But It’s A Trap | #ukscams | #datingscams | #european | #datingscams | #love | #relationships | #scams | #pof | #match.com | #dating


The New York Times runs a trend piece on women traveling abroad to find romance. They say that dating in the United States is awful, and meeting men abroad is much better – that people marry later so the dating pool isn’t limited over 30; that men are more serious; that potential mates are more adventurous (while in the U.S. all men are the same archetypes).

The first thing to know about any trend piece is that there isn’t really a trend, although the pieces themselves might create one. There were about two women in New York receiving ‘wife bonuses’ from their investment banking husbands based on ‘performance reviews’ (mostly centered around achievements of their children) when the ‘trend’ became an international sensation.

But all you need is a little anecdata,

Kacey Margo has been going on plenty of fun dates ever since she moved to Paris in October 2019. Men frequently approach her with the dramatic antics seen in Disney movies.

“This one guy was like, ‘I ran through traffic just to look into your eyes once, and if you don’t want to go on a date with me, I can die happy knowing that I just met you,’” said Ms. Margo, a 28-year-old English teacher from Los Angeles.

…There is even a dating show that premiered last month on the cable channel Freeform, “Love Trip: Paris,” where four American women move to an apartment building in Paris filled with eligible French darlings.

Is this really a new trend? The Onion offered a point-counterpoint on European men being more romantic than American men in 1999. You really do have to read the whole thing, it’s perfect, but here’s the setup.

European men aren’t afraid to come up and talk to you. And they know how to start slow, with a nice cup of Italian espresso or a long walk on some historic street. They know the places you can’t find in any tourist guide. They know the whole history of the cities in which they live—who the fountains are named after, who the statues are.

…European men know the most romantic little cafés and bistros and trattorias, candlelit places where you can be alone and drink the most fantastic wine. They tell you what’s on the menu and what you should try. (If it wasn’t for a certain young man in Milan, I never would have discovered fusilli a spinaci et scampi.) And the whole time, they’re looking deep into your eyes, like you’re the only woman on the entire planet. What woman could resist a man like that? Then, after a moonlit stroll along the waterfront and a kiss in the doorway of their artist’s loft, you find yourself unable to—well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.

The counterpoint here, though, is incredible.

After a cheap coffee, which to them always tastes better than anything they’ve ever had, because they’re in Europe, it’s time to walk them. Now, all they know about Rome is what they’ve read in Let’s Go, so you can pretty much just make up a whole bunch of shit. It’s fun to see how much they’ll swallow: As long as I refer to Italy as “my homeland” and other Italians as “my people,” they’ll believe pretty much anything.

…For dinner, I usually take them to some cheap little hole in the wall, someplace deserted where not even the cops eat. American girls think candlelight means “romance,” not “deteriorating public utilities,” …and never notice that there’s no electricity. Just as well, because Roman restaurants aren’t exactly the cleanest. After a bunch of fast-talk about the menu, I get them the special, which is usually some anonymous pasta with spinach and day-old shrimp, and whatever cheap, generic, Pope’s-blood chianti’s at the bottom of the list.

Meanwhile one woman in the Times piece described dating abroad as not “just somebody meeting after their work at the bank, on their way home to let out the dog in Denver.”

But people work in banks in Europe, too! And have dogs! So what’s actually going on?

  • When you travel abroad, you change the way you meet potential romantic partners
  • And you accept different kinds of people because you’re more open

Change your routine, change your place, and you’ll find different experiences! That doesn’t have to mean moving to Europe or backpacking through Thailand. It’s as much about changing your own perspective as it is changing your place and your dating pool, though of course not everyone has to limit themselves to the local dating scene.

They key is to stop selecting the same person over and over, expecting different results. Changing location can help change more than just the people around you, it can help change your perspective and meet different kinds of people (even if those very same types exist near home, you aren’t ‘seeing’ them).

As an old married person, my best advice is to change what you’re looking for. Marriage is a 50 year conversation. Don’t choose someone you’re aren’t going to want to talk to 20,000 days in a row.

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