An egg. A red heart. A smiley face. In one case, even a red devil. No, I’m not emoji flirting with you – these are some of the symbols I’ve seen used, in recent weeks, by parents on social media to hide their children’s faces.
What on earth is going on? ‘Posturing parenting’, according to journalist Sierra Tishgart. She went viral with a TikTok rant about the phenomenon, calling it “visually heinous… You’re posturing parenting, while you’re also saying, ‘I’m above you, because I vaguely care about privacy’.”
The trend has certainly trickled down from Hollywood – Blake Lively, Orlando Bloom, Kristen Bell and Kourtney Kardashian. On a trip to Disney last year, Meghan and Harry slapped big pink hearts over the faces of Archie and Lilibet, which as security measures go is watertight as everyone knows.
Even Mark Zuckerberg has a habit of covering the faces of his two children with emojis, which, from someone who has spent a lot of time reassuring us all that social media is perfectly safe, comes over as not only performative privacy but pretty unsettling, actually.
Oof, it’s so easy to judge parents for the decisions we make. And yet, on this one, I can’t help but feel that a teensy bit of judgement is being invited. It sends a message, doesn’t it? One that says, “look at my perfect family having fun and making memories, but don’t look too closely because we really care about our children’s privacy, OK?”
As performative parenting goes, it’s right up there. After all, if you didn’t post any images of your kids, how would the world know how conscious you are of protecting their digital footprint? Or that you stayed in the most glorious Cotswolds hotel last weekend?
I guess what I’m saying is: pick a lane. If you’re happy to share photographs of your cute child on social media, that’s absolutely your choice and I’ll enjoy seeing their smiling/grumpy little expressions. Might even give you a like. If you feel strongly about their privacy, as I do when it comes to my 16-month-old son, that’s fine too – don’t put pictures of them on the internet.
I have friends who have felt comfortable announcing the arrival of their newborns (ie unidentifiable potatoes), but have stopped sharing pictures as they become toddlers. Great, whatever works for you. But there’s something about sharing your emoji-faced little darling over and over that does feel different – like performing concern for your followers, while still reaping the validation of likes and comments.
Over the bank holiday, Carrie Johnson shared a photograph on Instagram alongside her four children on the steps of their Oxfordshire home, with each child’s face obscured by a heart. She has spoken, understandably, about her worries that people might identify her children with Boris while they’re out and about. So, really, what was the point of posting it in the first place? I’ve thought the same thing when photographs of kids’ parties pop up – ‘Happy 4th Birthday Rafi!’ – in which every single child is obscured by a yellow face. Really, if I wanted to imagine Lisa Simpson’s birthday, I’d google it.
There is a slightly less show-offy version – picturing your children from behind or the side, as the Duchess of Sussex has done twice in the past month (evidence of their ski trip being required viewing). For some reason, that doesn’t grate quite as much – perhaps because it’s genuinely safer? Emojis can be removed in the wrong hands.
Perhaps all this says more about me than the people sharing their beloved little eggheads on Instagram. Maybe I should be applauding the defacing of their children and be grateful that their future employers won’t be able to identify them as that toddler with something – is that chocolate? – smeared across their hands and face. After all, it’s not really hurting anyone, it’s just a bit smug. But that, as we know, is the worst parenting crime of all.
