Q&A
I’m finally going to be a grandma! How do I publicly celebrate a new chapter in my life, while still honoring the boundaries set by my son and daughter-in-law?
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Kimberly McGlonn is back with gentle wisdom to help you navigate life’s tough situations. Have a Q for Kimberly? Fill out the form here and we’ll do our best to feature it in an upcoming column.
Dear Kimberly,
It’s happening! I’m about to become a grandmother! I’m very excited, as I will be a first-time grandparent. However, my son and his wife have talked to me about the strict rules they have around posting the baby to social media. Basically, only they are allowed to share photos and they don’t want anyone to share the baby’s name online. I understand they want to protect their child’s privacy, but at the same time, I see all my friend’s posting pictures of their grandkids and it kind of bums me out that I won’t be able to share my own photos. I’m struggling with managing this disappointment when it feels like everyone else gets to share their joy. Should I ask them to ease up on their rules so that I can share my thrill at being a new grandma? — Proud Grandma
Dear Proud Grandma,
OMG! Congratulations, soon-to-be, Grandma! What a gift to bear witness to the birth of your first grandchild! There’s so much new to navigate, including social media.
Here’s the thing: I understand your eagerness to share your adorable grandbaby with Zuckerberg’s entire digital world and your daughter-in-law’s reluctance to some extent. When my daughter was first born I didn’t want anyone to kiss her. Her dad had a pass, but everyone else was on a no-fly list considering germs/diseases/skin infections. The request might have seemed unreasonable to others, but it wasn’t to me. (Sorry, not sorry.)
The best thing to do when it comes to preserving your relationship with your son, daughter-in-law, and grandchild is to honor their wishes — even if they seem unreasonable, illogical, or even unfair to you. Their boundaries matter.
Be patient with them. Show them your sincere solidarity and your respect for the boundary they’re setting. Prioritize being present in your grandchild’s life, rather than worrying about who will see documentation of it. Though, you should take all the pictures your son and daughter-in-law are comfortable with for your own personal photo album. Go ham! You’ll be happy to walk down memory lane — with or without your digital community.
Congrats, again. I’m so, so happy for you!
With courage and care,
Kimberly
