Navigating the internet with children requires a shift from simple restrictions to teaching values that guide online behaviour.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about some of my early experiences online and why Internet guardrails are needed. I also mentioned how at this point, my solution for my own kids is to be quite restrictive when it comes to using the Internet.
This week, I listened to a presentation about online safety put on by the Internet Child Exploitation Unit and streamed online by Portage College (for full details see pages 8 and 9.)
It was eye-opening but also humbling because I am the parent who wanted to know which app or site to keep them away from, and in lieu of knowing, I have been applying the ban to all of them.
I liked the analogy of the Internet as a shopping mall, and websites where you must log in are the individual stores, rather than the hallways. We talk to kids about not going places with strangers, but also about how to ask for help if they get lost. It helps to be able to explain it as keeping conversations in public, rather than moving them to SnapChat or other private messaging platforms.
When I look at my own early experiences online, there was a gap between what I was told about how to behave, and what to do if I did the thing anyways.
The presentation’s comparison to impaired driving was also a really good way of framing that. Don’t drink or do drugs, but if you do, call me and I will come get you. Don’t meet with strangers, but if you do, meet in public and bring a friend.
One humbling activity was about spotting the fake, where two images would be displayed side-by-side. Of the five sets of images displayed, I correctly identified the fake in exactly one, which I think was exactly the point.
Fake images are getting harder and harder to spot, so if a kid or a young adult gets taken in by one, we need to slow our reaction and focus on mitigating the consequences rather than blaming them for the mistake.
Adolescence is a time when it’s natural to push back on limits and experiment with self-expression. Ultimately, it is our responsibility as parents to do our best to instill our children with values that will guide their behaviour. So even when they’re choosing to do differently than what we want, they’ll be doing it with respect for themselves and for other people.
I’m not ready for my kids to be online independently, and at this point they’re too young to want to be. But now, I have language and a framework for the future.
