Parents need to put their own phones away when with their children so that they can be fully present with the latter while talking, say psychologists Pune: Parents of several students of the English-medium school where a boy (14) stabbed his classmate on Friday were at a loss as to how an issue around posting pictures on social media turned violent, but psychologists stressed teenage anger often developed quietly over humiliation, peer pressure and social media, and it was important to spot the warning signs.The school authorities said there was an altercation between two groups of students during an outing. “The matter was addressed and apologies were exchanged between the students involved. Based on the circumstances at that stage, the matter was understood to have been resolved,” they said.A Std IX student of a private school in Balewadi suffered multiple injuries when a classmate from another section allegedly stabbed her with a knife outside a classroom on Friday afternoon. The dispute stemmed from the boy posting videos on social media of some girl students dancing during a recent school picnic.A day on, the parent of a student of the same school said, “There have been perfunctory messages from the school without explaining what happened, which has led to rumours. Second, if the argument over videos had come to light earlier, what did the school do? Were his parents called? Was he and the girl counselled? How can a child attack his or her classmate like that? What if she had died?”Another parent let his two children read the news in a newspaper. “It is important to let them understand what happened because they will speak about it in school. The school authorities are doing everything they can for safety. Such incidents are not entirely because of the school’s carelessness. Cellphones during trips are a safety feature for the child. You can’t say just because this happened cellphones should be banned. Children should be taught the correct usage and monitored,” he said.Psychiatrist Kaustubh Joag, co-director at Centre for Mental Health Law & Policy, ILS, said the issue reflected the lack of impulse control. “Everyone has many impulses or urges but we develop a control over them. In this or many such cases, adolescents or young adults or adults seem to have issues with impulse control or you can say anger control. Other examples are of road rage or fights over cellphone usage.”The first and foremost thing, according to Joag, is not to use the language of punishment or see this incident from a criminal viewpoint. “This adolescent needs help — in the form of support from everyone — parents, school, peers and professional support too. One needs to understand why he did this, and then get into depth of understanding his patterns. Did he understand the gravity of this situation and his actions, does he have guilt about his action, and then work on corrective measures,” said Joag, adding that parents need to build communication with him.Violence is on the rise among teenagers, for various reasons — one of which is desensitisation to violence through content watched on OTT channels or social media or violent games, said psychologist Kinjal Goyal. “The first step is to stop normalising violence. Second, parents must provide a safe space at home where a teenager can express his or her anger towards someone or something without fear. If vented, anger can reduce. If parents feel that a young adult is showing signs of emotional dysregulation, or of verbal or physical aggression, it is better to seek therapy from a qualified professional,” said Goyal.Warning signs of anger or distress are mostly present, if only one stops to notice. “Parents need to put their own phones away when with their teens so that they can be fully present with the children while talking. It’s easy to miss the signs when parents are distracted,” added Goyal.
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