Hello! I’m Fortesa Latifi, a senior writer at Yahoo, and my first book, Like, Follow, Subscribe, about the child influencer industry, comes out on April 7. To celebrate the publication of my book, I’m launching a limited-run column to answer your burning questions about the ins-and-outs of this world.
Last week, I wrote about the children of family vloggers who became influencers in their own right as adults, and their complicated relationship with fame. Here’s another question I received: What is the best way to tell your family and loved ones that you don’t want any pictures or videos of your child shared online? How do you draw that boundary?
This is such a good question, especially as more and more parents decide to take their kids offline (or never put them online to begin with). As I’ve written in the past, as artificial intelligence advances and more ethical questions arise about whether kids can consent to an online footprint, the subject of posting kids has become a heated debate. It’s becoming far more common for parents to think twice about sharing their children. But that doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice, or that letting others know is always simple.
I’ll tell you about what I did personally. When I was pregnant with my first child, I wasn’t sure what my husband and I were going to do. However, as the pregnancy progressed, I felt more pulled towards privacy. I have public social media profiles for work, with an audience of tens of thousands of followers, and I definitely knew I didn’t want to post my child there. She just felt — and feels — so precious to us that it almost seemed like an act of dilution to share her with others, especially strangers who might be lurking on our accounts. Since she was born, I haven’t ever posted her face or name (outside of “Close Friends’” Instagram stories).
As my husband and I came to that decision, we started to talk to our families about it. We told them as simply as we could: We have decided not to share our daughter online, and we’re asking that family or friends also avoid posting photos of her. If anyone wanted to discuss our reasoning, we would’ve been open to that but, luckily, there were no objections.
Friends, especially fellow parents, presented a different challenge. We didn’t want anyone to feel judged by our choice — truly, we weren’t criticizing others. I believe everyone is making the best decision they can for their own families. Unlike with family members, we didn’t tell anyone else ahead of time.
That led to a few situations in which friends posted our daughter online and I had to reach out to say something like, “Hey, I’m so sorry, but we actually don’t want to share her photo online, do you mind deleting this?” I felt awkward having that conversation — no one wants to seem like a scold — but friends were great about it and immediately deleted the content.
Now, when friends or family want to post photos of our daughter, they know to select ones in which her face isn’t showing or to cover her face with an emoji. If they have any feelings about our choice, they’ve never told me. But I truly do think they understand where I’m coming from.
If you’re thinking about having this conversation with your family or loved ones, I think it’s best to be clear and unapologetic. You don’t have to share why you made this choice, although it can be helpful to have a constructive conversation.
As I’ve interviewed influencer parents for my book, some with massive platforms of millions of followers, I heard many reasons why they decided to take their kids offline. They told me harrowing stories about strangers recognizing their kids in public; they worried about how their kids’ photos could be manipulated as AI becomes more widespread and powerful; they had concerns about how many predators are consuming kid influencer content; and they agonized about whether or not their kids could meaningfully consent to being in content. When talking to friends and family, it may be helpful to note that there’s a meaningful societal shift underway — it’s now just as common to keep your kids offline as it is to share cute baby photos. It’s like saying, Look! It’s not just me. This is a change in the culture and I agree with it.
I really hope that your friends and family are as accepting as mine were about my husband and my decision not to put our daughter online. But the truth is: however they react, it is your decision at the end of the day. And you should feel solid about the choice you’re making.
